mine

meow dont take my fucking memories!!!
yeah.... ok i know that dosnt make any sense, but it dose to me. They're my memories, they belong to me, they're my names, my dates, my feelings so step off and get ur own fucking life, your own fucking symbols, its mine it belongs to me, and dont take any of it away!!! NO u cant even fuckign borrow it! its mine!!
yes so now that thats over....
i'll be in utah on the 30th, ill be happy to see everyone again
i need to be cleaning my room
i need to be studying for my SAT
i need to find myself again
i need to know whats going on
i need to have space back
i need to eat
i need to sleep
i need to be left alone
i need to have my things untouched
i need to find my peace
i need to find a safe place, with green trees engulfing me, with flowers falling from the sky, with a warm mist, where voices are on a soft breeze but cannot hurt me, where all i have to do is fall back and soft sheets of the smothest fabric will catch me, where birds will be music for me, where waterfalls are plentiful but not overbearing, where i can walk bear foot with out sticks cutting up me feet, where i can be alone
i need a place more beautiful that me

Analize it carefully, this is written for u to think about

Brightness
theres jsut this endless light. It creeps in from all corners, blinding. Its ironic to think about where all this comes from. From the darkness that accents it. Its bursting our of my chest.... not so strong. The shapes are cut out and accented against a contrasting background. Im afraid to sleep, because what if my dreams arent as good as this light? ....im so afraid to say it, but u know i want to

blah

so jsut a quick post before i go off to bed. Im moving back to utah and such. have i already posted that? oh well its all thats really on my mind. I think james is upset about it. So i kinda feel bad about that. I mean, i just cant handle change anymore... i need to be rooted for a while. Italy is just more change then i can handle, so im starting to get depressed that whole "whats the point" feeling is dawning on me. I hope it wont be there when i get to utah, but we'll see. I hope it wont. espechally cus i know im putting my parents through a whole lot doing this. I jsut cant be ehre anymore. I hope people in utah will leave me alone though, thats really all i want. Theres something im searching for, and i dont know what it is, but it isnt i italy, and i dont know if its in utah, but at least it'll be a nice rest before i start my search again. Whats in italy isnt rest, its more than i can hadle anymore. so im sorry. none the less i want to see my friends in utah again. I miss them.

" "

Again I see you standing there watching me
Your gaze, those eyes are tantalizing openly
Inviting me to get close to you
Can't help myself
There's fascination in the air
I try to fight this strong sensation
But there's no chance to escape from this temptation
Feels like I've known you before
Repeating phrases
But I yearn for something more
I know I can't stay by your side forever
But I know I won't

old lovers

And now the beat inside of me
is a sort of a cold breeze and I've
never any feeling inside
around me…
I bring my body
carry it into another world
I know I live… but like a stone I'm falling down
Damned, looking into the sky
I can feel this rain
right now it's falling on me
fly, I just want to fly
life is all mine
some day I cry alone,
but I know I'm not the only one
I see that another day is gon

long time

so ive been thinking about the past and all that, what else is new? And ive relised i jsut miss..... all of it.
I think its fleeting
I can feel and ending
i miss black ___



the more things change the mroe they stay the same

get ready for some changes

well people its time for something new. when i can im going to change somethings around here. but something has redefined itself in me. I want to ask some people some things. blah blah blah. oh well im going to bed. but something is definatly different

you AND your mom

meow for some reason my fingers wont listen and do what i want them to. but what else is new. Roar, life is well life. I know im being vuage (is that how u spell it? im to lazy to care) Roar ok thats nice coming to a place where its ok to spell badly!!! yeay right i can actually be happy about that. i mean seriously i can spell badly and u all can go fuck urselves if u care! *smiles happily* So I think ive come up with a plot for a movie, however its very personnal (no tim its not that same as the one i told u). So im wondering if i want to do it or not.
Ever get that feeling like people are saying things about u?
fuck 'em
anyways. what im actually supposed to be doing is writing down the script but.......... you know how it goes
roar today we talked in class about wether or not we could kill our children. I said that in the right situation i could (tim dont look at me like that i mean in a really bad situatiuon like if i was sparing them from a life of rape and slavery and it would be their only chance to not have that happen to them for the rest of their lives) anyways everyone looked at me really meanly. But when it comes right down to it.... there are some things worse than death. Trust me, a lot worse.
But moving on. I can spell badly!!!

yeay study hall and crap

im in study hall..... obviously. Well my stuff has gotten here so im unpacking, I cant wait untill my comp is set up and i can do real updates. The library just kind of cuts away and inspiration. well most things cut at it really.
Roar, though i really do feel like writing something worth while.

I miss ur kisses, i miss ur breath.
Today feels like it should be raining.
I miss ur hands, I miss ur voice.
It's dark enough to be raining.
I miss ur hair, i miss your belly.
I'm cold like when its raining.
Im so far a way from u
there's not a drop from the sky.

wasnt that happy?!
anyways moving on. I wish i could undersatand and pick people arpart. that would make things so much easier.
im not a threat.
I dont want what u have.

I just looked up there are cobwebs all over the ceiling. theres something worn in about this school.

Im a little worn myself
Im too tierd
Im too bored
Im too sick of it all
I could taste it again, if that part of me hadnt been killed...... though it was killed willingly.
I miss the apathy
I miss wanting to sink in my teeth
I miss wanting to explore
I miss the carelessness
I love the security
I miss the freedom
I love the importance
I miss the change
I love the way i feel
I miss the way i didnt
yin and yang
I like knowing im going to be let down
I dont know that anymore.
trust, its so much, so precious, it makes me so happy, its heavy like gold.